The Suffering Journey pt. 2- How We Respond Defines Our Future

How We Respond Defines Our Future

Life-changing incidents have profound consequences and impacts on one’s life. How we handle those moments defines moving forward or wallowing in a pit of grief and sorrow. It is good to grieve, breathe, and receive the blessings surrounding those moments. To receive, it is crucial to listen to the winks the Spirit guides us toward and accept some hard truths with humility.

The presence of society and the act of comparing oneself to others drive individuals to believe in and feel the need for more. The vicious cycle becomes a never-ending cycle seeking perpetual fulfillment.

Leading up to my stroke, or as often labeled “health event,” a bout with Bell’s Palsy affected my life. This may have been an underlying cause leading to the stroke because of a lack of self-care and awareness on my part. Life has a way of catching up, which leads to extenuating circumstances and stressors. I was on a journey, always seeking more knowledge, thinking I did not measure up or have enough. The illnesses have rebuilt a new perspective and renewed representation of life. While the reflection in the mirror is complex, it is one of value, requiring humility, understanding, prayer, and action.

Ecclesiastes 1 offers excellent insight into the earthly experiences and limitations of wisdom. In my moments of crisis, there was a lasting impression that still haunted me. As I was being carted from the house, the fear on my son’s face forced me to think about my life and what mattered most. I saw his look of fear, holding the safety blanket he has owned since birth, held onto all of his eleven years. As I faded into darkness, I saw a little boy go from his current age of eleven to two, and then everything went blank until I woke in the ambulance. Nothing mattered more than his treasured face, smile, and love. No achievements, awards, or accolades mattered more than my family.

The teacher from Ecclesiastes offers unique insight into the things of the world and says that everything is futile. “Vanity of vanities, says the Teacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 1:2, NRSV) The Hebrew word describing “absolute futility” Hevel is used 38 times in Ecclesiastes, often to show worthless idols. Collecting idols throughout life forces one to ask, what does anyone gain? What do we leave behind for others? What is it we hold on to as we move through life?

Cultural pressure suggests we need more knowledge and wealth to acquire an advantage over others, sometimes at any cost. Again, everything is centered on selfish fulfillment, and doing these things will lead to a fulfilled life. In a crisis, the only fulfillment comes from one more hug or love and the precious loved ones. “What do people gain from all the toil at which they toil under the sun?” (Ecclesiastes 1:3, NRSV) Throughout life, reflecting on the profit from the toil is crucial. Who cares if you have a bigger house, a faster car, or a gigantic bank account? What is lying in your heart? In a crisis, there is no profit to be gathered, profit to gain, or a strategic advantage that death will not eliminate. I had to ask myself what profit I would choose.

The stroke created a rebirth to choose the profit I desire: to move forward with a legacy to leave others. What does the profit of knowledge do for others when I am in my grave? Pausing, one should consider the poem from Ecclesiastes 1:4-11.

“A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises and the sun goes down, and hurries to the place where it rises. The wind blows to the south, and goes around to the north; round and round goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns. All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they continue to flow. All things are wearisome; more than one can express; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, or the ear filled with hearing. What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there a thing of which it is said, “See, this is new”? It has already been, in the ages before us. The people of long ago are not remembered, nor will there be any remembrance of people yet to come by those who come after them.” (Ecclesiastes 1:4–11, NRSV)

 As generations come and go, there is a concern about personal gain. When thinking of gain, it leads to the questions Jesus presents in Matthew 6:19-21 of where one’s treasure is. There is also their heart. My treasure changed on a journey, and before losing consciousness, I saw Heston’s face in utter despair. Something no child deserves. My treasure changed in a heartbeat, and I thought maybe it was our final time seeing each other. Much like the poem from Ecclesiastes, life has an ebb and flow that does not differ from how a river flows but never fills. The wind can blow ceaselessly in different directions while never fulfilling a purpose. Our world becomes ceaselessly busy with activity, yet is never fulfilled. The world is always seeking more, but for what? This is a familiar story for those who have ever seen chickens get slaughtered on the farm. As the chickens are prepared and their heads cut off, they can run wild around the area. At that precise moment, they are the busiest animals on the farm, but individually, they have no future and nothing to gain. Their purpose has become someone else’s gain. Endless busyness will sweep us away. My life has become a recurrent pattern of endless busyness, seeking fulfillment in many wrong places.

“All things are wearisome; more than one can express; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, or the ear filled with hearing.” (Ecclesiastes 1:8, NRSV)

Ecclesiastes expresses all things are weary. The word Hevel arises again as eyes and ears will not be fulfilled, and we have no control over the inevitable death of humans. No matter the pursuit of pleasures, accumulation of wealth, or knowledge, life is a puff of wind. Intricate and awkward, there are many things we will never understand on this side of heaven. Through the struggle and experiences, I have reflected on what the human experience provides, seemingly minor, sometimes impossible when caught up in the easily found idols. Future generations will never remember how clean the car was, how the house was the largest in the neighborhood, or how many awards were gathered. Reflecting on my childhood memories, the most valuable moments are the presence of my family together over the presents received. Numerous names will only be remembered as facts of public record, with no legacy left unto others. Today is the day to reboot and rebirth to provoke a life of legacy.